Lies Women Believe About Priorities
Day 5: The Heart of Your Home
Lie #20: “A career outside the home is more valuable and fulfilling than being a wife and mother.”
Christian woman, feminism is not your friend.
I’ve heard far too many people tout themselves as “Christian feminists,” but I argue that such a thing is not possible. You can be only one or the other. Now before you close this window and vow never to come back, let me explain.
We like to think feminism is about equality, but it’s not. It’s about domination. Domination over men and domination over each other.
I want to see a man beaten to a bloody pulp with a high-heel shoved in his mouth, like an apple in the mouth of a pig.
Since marriage constitutes slavery for women, it is clear that the women’s movement must concentrate on attacking this institution. Freedom for women cannot be won without the abolition of marriage.
-Sheila Cronin, the leader of the feminist organization NOW
The proportion of men must be reduced to and maintained at approximately 10% of the human race.
-Sally Miller Gearhart, in The Future – If There Is One – Is Female
Feminism is about being selfish, not selfless. It’s about taking from others, not giving to others. Is this not the complete opposite of how God calls us to live?
Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit,if any tenderness and compassion, 2 then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. 3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.
5 In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:
6 Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
7 rather, he made himself nothing
by taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
8 And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
by becoming obedient to death—
even death on a cross!
9 Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,
10 that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
11 and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.
To follow Jesus’ example is to lay down our rights, not demand them. It’s to humble ourselves, not build ourselves up. It’s to give and serve, not take.
Jesus’ humility did not make Him any less of a person; in fact, His humility showed that He was confident in His identity as the Son of God. The same is true for us – the more confident we are in our relationship with Christ, the less we will seek attention and affirmation through demanding rights and respect.
You cannot support parts of feminism while trying deny other parts. I know people who do this; they try to find positive things such as social justice, that they can latch on to in order to validate feminism; and then they turn and condemn abortion. Both ideals come from the same source, and are therefore both tainted by the sinful and destructive beliefs that caused them. And if you attempt to hold on to just one part of feminism, it will destroy you heart and soul, because there is no halfway. Just as you cannot be a half-way Christian, you cannot be a half-way feminist. You want to serve others, to see women and children saved from trafficking and escape abuse? Do it because you’re a Christian, not because you’re a feminist.
Feminism seeks to destroy men, and often, it has succeeded. But it also has destroyed women. Feminism turns someone who is a wife and mother into an oppressed woman. She is looked down upon, criticized, and challenged to break free of her husband and children to do what is “right for her.”
Feminism places expectations on women that are impossible to meet. If you want to be married and have kids, fine – but that can’t be all you do. You have to have a successful career, friendships, and hobbies, too. Good luck fitting it all in. But as the culture has been manipulated by this “empowerment” movement, women have instead become enslaved to the expectations of each other. Competition has settled in – there’s always more to do, more to be, and someone to catch up to. Add in the fact that you can rarely have a one-income household today, and who are the ones who really suffer? The people. The children, who are put on the back-burner. The marriage that’s falling apart from leading two very full, mostly separate lives. And friendships? Who has time?
We’ve thrown out words like virtue, chastity, discretion, modesty and submission, and instead we’ve replaced them with choice, power, and rights. And the very thing we thought would bring relief instead brought slavery.
I have something really important to point out right here, okay? You with me? Here we go… men and women are not the same.
Did I just rock your world? Sorry. But men and women are different in just about every way. Men think different than women. Women are more emotional than men. Does that make one superior? No, not at all. It means God designed them to be a team. To work together. What one lacks, the other can give. Where one is weak, the other is strong. And as they work together, the relationship is successful and glorifies God. It enables husbands and wives to work together, not push against each other. It causes parents to make their children a priority. It makes life simpler, because there is no pressure to do it all; life is now shared.
When God created Eve, her primary purpose was to help her husband. Her life was to center on his. God’s command to women is to submit to their husbands, and God’s command to men is to love their wives. We’ll talk more about this later, but for now let’s just remember that even if it’s not popular doesn’t mean it’s bad or wrong. God’s design works. I dare you to try it.
God designed women to be bearers and nurturers of life. There’s a reason most women long to be married and have children. And it’s not because they’re inferior! It’s because that’s how God created them and it’s His design for women to be married and raise Godly children.
Unfortunately, women are too quick to brush off the most important things (relationships – with husbands, kids, friends, family) for the lesser things (a career, money, hobbies, possessions). I believe that our generation suffers the most from this because everywhere we turn we are confronted with “successful” women and we so quickly begin to compare ourselves and find ourselves lacking. Blogs, Facebook, Instagram… picture perfect people, with their perfect lives, perfect homes, perfect cars, perfect everything… However, I’ve learned that the more stuff a person has, the more likely that their relationships are falling apart. Because as soon as begin to fixate on having more, being more, when our image takes priority, and our rights are at the forefront, we neglect the people in our lives.
“Children are not a distraction from the more important work; they are the most important work.”
It may not seem like such a big deal when your children are young to relegate them their rooms, to their TVs, to their iPods, to the daycare… but one day, and one day soon, you will soon see the effects of neglecting the home. When children know they are not priority they soon grow to despise their parents. They begin to rebel. And they suffer even more as they begin to experiment with the world.
If we want to have godly marriages and godly children who grow up to serve Christ and have their own godly families, we must make a stand NOW. The home is the most important work you have. If you must sacrifice your children or your marriage in order to provide for them, then maybe it’s time to stop working in your strength and start walking in God’s power. I fully believe that if you make the commitment to take care of your family and to make your children’s character and relationships with God the priority in your life that God will provide everything you need, every time. I’ve seen him do it over and over again. Does it require faith? Absolutely. That’s the point.
Do you trust God to provide for your family?
Consider the long-view. What do you want your family to look like in five years? Who do you want your children to be? Are you willing to sacrifice now, to serve now, and to humble yourself now, in order to get them to where they need to be?
What do I mean? Well, maybe it’s time to take your kids out of public school. Do you have the faith to do that? To sacrifice your time to ensure your child’s education is full, complete, and Christ-centered? Do you trust God to provide the time and finances to do it? Or is it an inconvenience when you can just send them to public school and not have to deal with them for 7 or 8 hours a day, because you need your “me time.”
Maybe it’s time to get your kids involved in church. You’ve been mailing it in, and they’ve been missing out. Do you have the faith?
It’s time to focus on what lasts forever . Your legacy, your family, is far more valuable the money, a career, or what others think of you.
You can’t be successful in the world if you’re not successful at home. It’s not easy – and that’s the point. If you can’t do the hardest work, you can’t do the easier work. God measures success this way:
No widow may be put on the list of widows unless she is over sixty, has been faithful to her husband, and is well known for her good deeds,such as bringing up children, showing hospitality, washing the feet of the Lord’s people, helping those in trouble and devoting herself to all kinds of good deeds.
1 Timothy 5:9-10
Is it wrong to have a career? Not at all. But if it’s at the expense of your family, a thousand times, YES.
It’s time to give up our rights, our selfish desire to dominate, to be perceived a certain way, and to be better than everyone around us. It’s time to humble ourselves, to make others a priority in our lives, and it starts with the home.
Never underestimate the calling you have to be a wife and mother. Every moment of every day you have a choice to make. Choose life. When you invest in your family, you’ll receive a reward from God that is greater than you can imagine.
Key points to remember:
- In the will of God, there is no higher, holier calling than that of a wife and mother.
- God created the woman to be a bearer and nurturer of life.
- Feminism is about domination. Christianity is about submission.
- To put family first requires faith in God to provide for your needs.
- The investments you make into your family will have an eternal effect.
In a word: passionate. About Jesus, church, ministry, music, reading, family, friends, and sometimes even iced skinny soy mochas.