Chapter 3: Lies Women Believe About Themselves
Day 1: Accepting God’s Assessment
Lie #7: “I’m not worth anything.”
Lie #8: “I need to learn to love myself.”
“We can never know who or what we are until we know at least something of what God is.”
Our view of God is our lens for life. It affects how we view everything, but most of all, how we view ourselves. Now that we know the truth about God, it is imperative that we look at how that truth overflows into what we believe about ourselves.
The lies we believe about ourselves stem from pride. We have an elevated view of self that we put over God and it comes out in the way we live, the way we interact with others, and most of all, the way we interact with God.
Why do we struggle with feelings of inadequacy? It’s not because we believe God, but for the very fact that we don’t.
Lie #7, “I’m not worth anything,” reveals that we are believing our emotions, circumstances, family histories, and the opinions of others over and above what God says about us.
One of the most dangerous things we could ever do is base our worth on the opinions of others. What happens when we don’t feel validated by the people in our lives? Depression, anxiety, fear, and a desperation to find a way to get it from them until we find ourselves doing things we never thought we would. Why? Because we needed their love and acceptance.
Anytime you need something from someone else, it reveals an idol. We must find our validation, worth, and acceptance from God, not others. When we place ourselves at the mercy of others, it’s only a matter of time before we crushed and reduced to nothing. When we carry insecurity with us, it’s obvious. And unfortunately, it can make us a target to people who, in turn, want something from us. Manipulation at it’s finest = both sides of the relationship withholding or giving to an extreme in order to receive something from the other. It kills the relationship. This is what happens when people are big and God is small.
Now, why is it that we want other people to like us, love us, accept us? Let’s be completely honest here. It’s rooted in our pride. Either in the + side of pride, where the reality is that we really like us and what others to like us too, or more frequently in relation to this specific lie, the – side of pride, where we feel empty and alone and worthless. Sometimes it’s because of what people have told us, because of what we have done, or because of our circumstances, but wherever it comes from, it shows that we’ve chosen to dwell on and believe lies rather than the Truth of God’s Word. However, the root is still the same – the reason we are so affected by the negative opinions of others is because of our pride. It hurts – and we don’t want to hurt, so we find ways to overcome it ourselves, usually apart from God, because God wasn’t in the picture to begin with.
Insecurity shows itself when we find ourselves over-compensating and acting like we know it all – because when there’s correction, we become angry, and we fall apart.
Insecurity shows itself when we are timid and shy and afraid to say what needs to be said in any given situation, because what if they don’t like it? Or they don’t like me for saying it?
Insecurity shows itself when we throw ourselves at guy after guy after guy… hoping this one will be THE one that will finally make us feel loved.
Insecurity shows itself when, after your a co-worker offers a simple suggestion to improve the way you approach your work, you isolate, feel sorry for yourself, and tell others she snapped at you, was angry at you, and doesn’t like you.
Insecurity shows itself when we isolate, put up walls, and stay away from anyone who might be able to break through and actually love us.
Insecurity is devastating. And contrary to popular psychology, teaching, and even preaching, the solution is not in learning to love and accept yourself. The problem, as we have begun to see, is that we DO love ourselves – in many cases, we love ourselves too much. How do I know this? Because our love of self has led to needing the love of others – when we feel pain, when we feel alone, and when we feel a lack, we prove our love of self when we search for a solution. The problem is we go to the wrong place, take the wrong advice, and end up feeling worse instead of better. Because no matter how hard we try to prove something, no matter how hard we try to manipulate, no matter how much we let the other person get their way, we never get what we want; we only feel worse instead of better. And no matter how much we attempt to talk ourselves up, tell ourselves how much we love ourselves, and ultimately, no matter how much we indulge ourselves, we never feel any better.
Our desire to love ourselves when we feel empty and alone leads us to seek it from others and ourselves rather than the only One who can truly love us, accept us, and treasure us – God.
You cannot fill yourself with you. The more you try, the more isolated you become, the fewer friends you have, and the more alone you feel. No one wants to be with someone who is consumed with self, regardless if that express itself through the + side of pride, where the person is condescending, only talks about themselves, and is a know-it-all, or if it’s the – side of pride, where the person is depressed, discouraged, indulging in self-pity, and only looking for others to step in and tell them they’re wrong about themselves.
Instead of finding our worth in others or in ourselves, we must surrender our pride, surrender our need for validation from the people in our lives, or from ourselves, and instead choose to find our identity in Christ, accepting God’s assessment of us.
1 John 3:1
See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!
When you are a child of God, there is nothing that can change that. Accept it and be certain of it! God does not change. You don’t have to perform to keep His love. God loves you because it’s who He is, and there is NOTHING you can do to change that. Just accept it! And let it drive you to share that love with others.
The guilt that you struggle with? Surrender it. God loves you because of who He is, not who you are.
The fear you have of letting others in? Surrender it. God will reward you for your obedience.
Give it up, stop fighting, stop controlling; accept your worth found in Christ, and as you do, you will begin to love others instead of demand love from them. You’ll begin to give rather than take. And in doing so, you will begin to truly experience the fullness of God’s love for you through his grace and power.
The two greatest commands are to love God and love others – and the only way we can do either of those things is to first be confident and secure in God’s love for us. Otherwise we will only attempt to take from God and others, not give.
How do you do this? How do you become confident and secure in God’s love for you as His child? Read His word. Ask Him to reveal His truth to you – and then believe it. Dwell on it, sing it, and talk about it. Memorize it. Be consumed with His truth. And when you’re tempted to give in to how you feel, or what others say about you, or your own fears, stop and remember: God loves you. God is for you. He is enough for you. He wants to provide for you. He will deliver you. He forgives you, He rejoices in you, and He loves to hear you call on Him for help. Let Him be your All in All. You won’t regret it.
- Psalm 13:5
But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation
- Psalm 23:6
Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
- Psalm 32:10
Many are the woes of the wicked, but the Lord’s unfailing love surrounds the one who trusts in him.
- Psalm 42:8
By day the Lord directs his love, at night his song is with me— a prayer to the God of my life.
- Psalm 63:3
Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you.
- Psalm 86:5
You, Lord, are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all who call to you.
- Psalm 86:13
For great is your love toward me; you have delivered me from the depths, from the realm of the dead.
- Psalm 86:15
But you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.
- Psalm 90:14
Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.
- Psalm 94:18
When I said, “My foot is slipping,” your unfailing love,Lord, supported me.
- Psalm 103:11
For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him;
- Psalm 103:17
But from everlasting to everlasting the Lord’s love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children’s children—
- Psalm 147:11
the Lord delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love.
Put your hope in God, not yourself.
Put your hope in God, not others.
Don’t let anyone define you except for God.
Make a commitment to trust God over your emotions, to care more about what God thinks about you than what others say, and remember Whose you are is far more important than who you are.
Points to Remember:
- My value and worth is determined by God.
- I must stop minimizing God and maximizing myself and other people.
- I need to accept God’s love for me.
- What God says about me is true, even if I don’t feel it.
- When I accept God’s love for me, I can become a giver instead of a taker.
In a word: passionate. About Jesus, church, ministry, music, reading, family, friends, and sometimes even iced skinny soy mochas.