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20 Simple Tips on How To Ruin Your Church

Here’s a helpful list of things you can (and should) do if your desire is to divide your church, gain control, and know everything. Results may include church splits, people being fired, people resigning, people leaving. Further side effects may include crushing the spirit of those in leadership.

1: Attend rarely.

2: Demand to be in the loop on all decisions, especially minor ones.

3: Don’t pray for your church. This includes members, leaders, services, outreach, ministries, growth, impact, etc.

4: Don’t pray for pastor. Or his family.

5: Don’t tithe. If you must, then don’t give anything over your tithe.

6: Avoid visitors like the plague.

7: Always side with the first side you hear.

8: If you hear something you disagree with, don’t go to the source or ask any questions.

9: Utilize the prayer chain to it’s fullest potential — to keep tabs on what’s going on.

10: Complain as much as possible. Suggested topics:
The sound is too loud. The sound is too soft. The sermon was too long. The color of the pews. The comfort of the chairs. The power point. How many people are involved in any given ministry (especially if you’re not involved, either). The pastor’s work ethic. The pastor’s wife’s work ethic. The finances. The bulletin. Any outreach the church is doing (again, especially effective if you’re not involved with it). Schedule changes. Actually, any change. 

11: Expect the pastor’s wife and family to do everything in the office. Remind frequently.

12: Don’t volunteer for anything.

13: If asked to do something, try to find a way out. If necessary, say yes and then cancel
the night before. Whatever you do, don’t find a replacement.

14: If there’s a crisis in your life, tell everyone in the church except the leadership.

15: When the leadership doesn’t offer support during your crisis, get angry.

16: If you have questions or complaints, be sure to take them straight to the pastor
right before the service begins.

17: Always expect to have immediate access to the pastor. This includes calling him late at night or early in the morning to go over insignificant things.

18: Come to a meeting before the service, then leave without attending the service.

19: Commiserate with others who have been offended by the leadership.

20:Remind the pastor frequently how things used to be before he came.

Any other tips to add? 



drgnfly1010 View All

In a word: passionate. About Jesus, church, ministry, music, reading, family, friends, and sometimes even iced skinny soy mochas.

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