What Every New Mom Needs

baby, silly

5 months in, and I still have no idea what I am doing.   Each day is a new adventure.  Monday, Baby Jedi is a complete crazy person, crying every waking moment until, quite literally, I try to pull my hair out.  Tuesday, he is a sweetie, taking regular naps and smiling and laughing.  Today, back to the crazies! This back and forth is almost too much for me.  I know that change can be good, but let’s face it.  I really and truly don’t know what I am waking up to each day.  My body hurts.  My head hurts.  I am emotionally and mentally exhausted trying to come up with new distractions, new games, and by having someone need my attention 24/7.  My son is, from everything I’ve read, high needs.  Meaning, he needs me a lot.  I know there are babies out there that are content to sleep alone, not be held all the time, and, by 5 months, are really interested in playing alone a little bit.  And, on my son’s good days, he could meet some of those criteria.   But on a bad day, he is not happy with any of these options.  

And I know what a lot of moms would say.  “He’s spoiled.  You held him too much when he was newborn.  He expects it now.”  And that angers me.  First, you can’t spoil a baby!!  Let’s all repeat it together.  YOU CAN’T SPOIL A BABY.  There.  I hear it over and over from everyone around me.  Some say it in a cutesy way, as if they are being funny or something.  But even if you think I’m spoiling him, keep it to yourself.   My son is not a fruit or a jug of milk. He won’t spoil. He can become mistrusting of his caregivers if they don’t respond to his only means of communication right now. And yes, as he gets older and his needs change, he will need boundaries. He will need to learn to be a disciplined person.  But that is a couple of years off.

Second, you don’t know my child the way I do.  And I have made enough mistakes over the last 5 months to not add breaking my child psychologically to the mix by ignoring him.  I know his cries.  Most importantly, I am the one that is now hard wired to respond to him. It’s easy to say, “Awww, just let him cry” when your blood pressure doesn’t go through the roof when he cries.

So, the next time you see me, or a new mom like me, out, and she’s struggling.  Does she look frazzled?  Are sections of her head bald?  Is she close to tears or cuss words?  Promise me something.  Before you bustle over and start pronouncing all the wonderful tricks that worked for your baby, stop.  Take 3 big calming breaths and remember, she’s not your baby’s mom. And her baby is not your child. And your well meaning, well intentioned words will make her feel like a failure. Like she isn’t doing it your way, so she must be doing something wrong.  Because you won’t tell her about that one night when your baby howled and you screamed into a pillow.  You won’t tell her the dark thoughts that crossed your mind in the lonely hours when it was all you could do to stay sane. You’ll pretend every thing was peachy and if she follows your advice, it’ll be peachy for her, too.  So, for the love of all things good and holy, STOP.

What that momma needs more than anything is maybe a hug.  A reassuring shoulder to cry on.  A kind promise that it will get better and to not give up. And that what she is doing, the best of her that she is giving, day in and day out, is good enough.

 

Monday Musing – Peace

 

The Lord gives strength to His people;

The Lord blesses His people with peace.  

–  Psalm 29:11 NIV

 

In this crazy, mixed up world, peace is usually the last thing from our thoughts.  From Ebola to troops in Ukraine, even the possibility of a chocolate shortage (for those of us that truly need the stuff), it seems to flee and be replaced by worry.  Doubt.  Who among us doesn’t want to invest in Hazmat suits and some firearms to protect those that we love?

But Jesus’ response?

Peace I leave with you; My peace I give you.

-John 14:27

 Peace, dove, Christ

Black and white.  Clear and simple.  Not peace as the world gives . . . What the world gives temporary is temporary.  The world’s peace flees when our foundations are shaken and our minds reel from reality.  But Christ?  

He gives what is lasting.  He gives what is eternal.  
Stop and selah – E. T. E. R. N. A. L.  
Forever.  No beginning and no end.  The same peace that rested on God when He made a man He knew from the beginning would disobey and choose rebellion over communion.  The same peace that rested on a Son beaten and bloody who knew that the pain would be worth the passion of a people set free from sin.  He gives that to us.  Not when we get to Heaven to live a perfect life.  Because Heaven is peace and we won’t have to face any challenges to our existence.  No, we need that peace now.  

Faith in Action

Today, take the time to turn off the news feeds and the email updates of everything that is going wrong in this world.  If you know there is an Ebola outbreak in Africa, what newest tidbit is going to really change that knowledge?  Then, sit at the feet of a Savior and let Him give you His peace.  

Today’s Prayer

Father, I need Your peace to get through today.  Through tomorrow.  Through every waking moment of my life.  There is too much wrong and too much hurting around me, and it distracts me from what You long to give.  Peace that surpasses understanding.  So, let that peace flood my heart and soul today.  Thank You, Father.  

Amen.

Homemade Chicken Noodle Soup With a Twist!

homemade chicken noodle soup, bok choy

The leaves are starting to change and fall around here.  The weather is getting wetter and cooler.  The wind is picking up a bit.  And while I am starting to drag out my coats and scarves and sweaters, I also start really craving comforting warm soups and stews.  Some of my favorites include:

  • Beef Stew
  • Egg Drop Soup
  • Potato Soup
  • Chili
  • Chicken Noodle Soup

Can you see a trend?  Warm, filling, and tasty.  But I don’t particularly like canned soup.  There is something about the flavor that is . . . off.  And usually I find it way too salty for my taste.  So, I try to make my own.  On top of knowing what is in my soup, I can also try to use bone broth as well.  This is a great way to get some added nutrients, like calcium, iron, and magnesium.  But, even if you don’t have bone broth, or access to quality bones to make it, a good homemade chicken noodle soup is still possible! Continue reading